Last night and today I found out why. Now, some time last year, my e-mail switched from putting new e-mail at the head of the queue to putting it under older e-mail it is a follow-up to. I thought I'd accounted for that, but as I cleaned up old e-mail, I found out two vital, upsetting things:
1) The turn-down for my proposal for a collection of essays on alternative sexualities and fantasy may not have been absolute, but suggestions for issues to address! It's hard to tell; and even if that was possible then, it might not be now. But I sent out a response asking.
2) I may not be presenting at the ICFA! There was e-mail about some added info on my paper that was needed, saying the proposal for the session needed to be handed in soon. I've sent e-mail asking if it can still be added, even though the conference is only two weeks away, just because sometimes two papers are put in a three-paper session.
But--shij! Loss of potential AND I look like a flake. Great.
I've cleared out e-mail back to December 2012 and feel somewhat better, but this is all very upsetting. And unless we three can figure out how to change my e-mail queue system, I have to continue cleaning out old e-mail.
Final irony: Instead of finding it a calming way to procrastinate, I find the process interesting but so emotionally taxing that I'd actually rather be doing much more productive work, such as writing.
Mood: optimistic yet grumpy