Arthur and Kevin's Nellorat ([info]nellorat) wrote,
@ 2007-07-03 04:34:00
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Totemic Thoughts
I need to get more in touch with my cow nature.

If you look at my study decor, for instance, you will see that I have four basic totems: the PussyCat, the rat, the cow, and the armadillo. I also have a lot of fat-positive images, which I guess is my physical human side, and a lot of celestial decorations, which I guess is my spiritual side.

I don't think of the armadillo much--I just love it, and I don't know why. I do know that in one slough of despond many years back, instead of talking about killing myself--which I didn't really consider an option and which would tend to disturb the guys--I talked about eluding my troubles by turning into an armadillo. And my only dillo icon on LJ is the tragic armadillo hit by the car of trauma on the highway of life. But as a totem, it's more about the function of silliness, looking really weird but in actuality being highly adapted to natural surroundings. (Grillwork is not natural.)

The rat is my hard-working, prosperous self. This is partly based on Asian associations, both with the Year of the Rat and with the god Daikoku, often accompanied by a rat. Also, though, two things I love about rats are their energy and their industry. They are always investigating everything, rearranging their living areas, procuring and saving food. I guess my tendency to overwork for money could be the way they become treat whores!

The PussyCat is my romantic and sensuous self and is the most self-indulgent. Sometimes I can get all caught up with work to the detriment of my love life, but the PussyCat gets reawakened pretty quickly. And the guys would never let me completely give that aspect short shrift. Also, although I work very hard, I also looooove relaxing. It's a PussyCat activity to read in bed, which as you know, Bob, I just relish. The silver lining in the cloud that is menstrual pain is a lazy PussyCat day of movies, reading in bed, and maybe sex.

But I think right now I am depriving my cow nature of expression. The cow, in this case, is all about family, home, and nurturing; she's also slowly contemplative. When I rush around doing two million things, I'm not true to my cow nature. I guess I am expressing this totem in caring for the rats, and even more in gardening and cooking, two serene and body-based activities that also nurture. I'm now doing more home stuff than I sometimes do, which is good, but this makes me realize that I have to be very careful when the summer program starts on July 5, and I have a 30-hour-or-more work week outside the home again! On the other hand, I'm actually seeing friends and having people in my home, every once in a while, which satisfies this side of me. But not often enough, and same with talking to my sibs on the phone.

Looking over this, I find it's interesting that I don't really have any totem of my intellectual side. I guess that is more a thread all through my life, in work and love and play.

FOR MY LJ FRIENDS: What are your totems, what do they reveal about your nature, and what insights can they offer about your current life?

Mood: introspective, impatient for sleep to return

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[info]nancylebov
2007-07-03 10:22 am UTC (link)
So far, I seem to have two, one chosen for rational symbolic reasons and the other a matter of sudden attraction.

The first is the barnacle--I sit and wait with my little fronds out, and grab anything good that comes by. (That's a reasonable angle on me and bodywork.) This is a reminder that I need to position myself where good stuff is likely to appear.

The other was an instant response to a t-shirt which said "Dragon Obedience School Dropout". I'm not good at obedience, and the dragon explains my tendency to accumulate stuff.

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[info]nellorat
2007-07-08 03:23 pm UTC (link)
I like the combination, and in my way of looking at things I'd suggest you encourage your Dragon nature, which is more active and not only waits for good things to come but makes things happen. But both are good.

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[info]shelleybear
2007-07-03 10:28 am UTC (link)
I've kept the bear for years and years and years.
This tells me I'm probably very simplistic.
Perhaps, if I have a second embodied totem, it is the dog.
Loyal to a fault and very nurturing.

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[info]nellorat
2007-07-08 03:26 pm UTC (link)
No, not simplistic--I think you really are a Bear! Big, furry, yes, but also capable of being very playful and enjoying life, yet very dangerous (and not always cautious enough) when riled. And female bears, especially, are notoriously nurturing and protective of their cubs (which would be your friends). The one thing the dog has that the bear doesn't is loyalty--maybe if I knew more about bears, I'd see it there, but it is iconic with dogs. And that is a great virtue of yours.

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[info]shelleybear
2007-07-08 06:21 pm UTC (link)
Big, furry, yes,

Not so much anymore (and boy, does that take work).
I don't say how much I miss you guys and how neat it would be to visit.
Not living in the ass-end of American civilization would have the benefit of being able to visit folks.
On the other hand, they could film "Northern Exposure" up here and it can easily pass for Alaska>

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[info]epi_lj
2007-07-03 02:04 pm UTC (link)
Honestly, I think I must be one of the only folks in my online circle who doesn't identify with any sort of totem animal at all. I do like cats and awful lot, but I don't identify them with myself outside of that.

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[info]nellorat
2007-07-08 03:48 pm UTC (link)
I felt that way about cats before I met [info]supergee, and we identified eachother as the Coyote and the PussyCat. That was my first totem. This often-fannish relationship is very weak by true shamanic standards, but it is both fun and sometimes a useful psychological set of tools.

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[info]clawfoot
2007-07-03 03:29 pm UTC (link)
I don't think I have any "official" totems per se, but there are a few animals I feel a strong affinity towards for one reason or another.

Dog: loyal, social, dependable, loveable, dangerous when provoked.

Hedgehog: sedentary, content, shy, homebody, curious yet somewhat skittish.

Unicorn: optimistic, rare, altruistic, hidden, secret.

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[info]nellorat
2007-07-08 03:34 pm UTC (link)
I really like that combination of traits. And of animals. When someone has only a flashy, fantastic animal (such as a dragon, unicorn), it seems a little, hmm, more showy or hopeful than realistic. And I have similar, though not as extreme, reactions to someone who has only a fierce animal (wolf, panther). I'm not sure I've ever encoutnered someone identifying with a hedgehog before; the list of characteristics seems accurate, and it's a good set of traits.

This makes me realize that none of my four totems is knwon for ferocity. Did I go too far the other way? Certainly, I have my feisty side, doing what I call, after the work of one wrting client, "channelign my warrior energy," especially on size-phobic issues. Maybe I feel I have enough ferocity, and for me totems are as much encouraging something as embodying it. Or maybe, as I said of my intellectual side, it's all through my totems. Except for the armadillo (as far as I know), all the others can give a very nasty bite, claw, and/or kick. I mean, rats can break finger bones with a bite, and I'd not like to be kicked by a cow or attacked by a cat!

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[info]metasilk
2007-07-09 02:27 am UTC (link)
The armadillo too can easily defend itself, both in a resistant way (rolling up) and an active way (they dig like a small tornado with paws, I'm told by my Texas cousins).

Funny, I just had a conversation with my sweetie in which he was talking about playing warriors in role-playing games, and how being a warrior had just about nothing to do with swinging a sharp pointy thing around. With that in mind, your cow seemed suddenly -- as I read this -- full or warrior energy when needed. Because Cow isn't just, say, that sweet cuddley Jersey. She's also Scottish Highland Mama, cousin to Buffalo Woman. Not to mention Brahmin, Holstein, Angus, Herefords, Dutch Belted... um.. now I gotta find a field guide to cows *grin*
... http://www.tc.umn.edu/~puk/cow/cowworld.html ("A list of cattle breeds, varieties, moocows, and crosses that are found around the world. This 929 name list contains no synonyms, bantengs, or moose"
... http://www.ansi.okstate.edu/breeds/cattle/
... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_breeds_of_cattle

(like i needed an excuse to stay up late browsing images of cool critters...)

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[info]metasilk
2007-07-05 04:27 pm UTC (link)
This is -- for me -- a wonderful and timely question. I haven't thought about this in a long time, and it's a helpful series of metaphors for me.

-- Raccoon: as the North Eastern American variation on the Chinese Monkey. Curious, capable, can bite off more than it can handle. Not as drawn to Ooh Shiny as a Raven, but similar. Can be intelligent and foolish, sometimes concurrently.
-- Skunk: private, tends toward mellowness, extremely annoying when annoyed, yet never desiring outright harm.

Had some others, but I'll have to consider these a little more. Beaver? Toad? I wear a bear paw as part of my tattoo, but that might be better interpreted as a reflection of and connection to one of my sisters and my brother, rather than a symbol of myself. I will someday have also a very gnarled tree as part of another tattoo, which will represent my spirit, I think (or perhaps more accurately my hopes for it): Old, surprising, weathered, durable, grounded, fruitful. Heh. No wonder I'm not wearing it yet. *chuckle*

I the past I used a dragon as an iconic representation of me/my presence/my signature. I also used a cougar similarly. I might have desired the cougar as a totem, but I am sure somehow that it isn't. I was given the nickname of "rodent woman" when I lived in Montana, which referred to my small quick busy-ness. In that light, this was and is probably accurate, and a chipmunk or red squirrel might be the most fitting there.

It's interesting to me to also read the other comments above. I don't feel "connected" to these animals per se. I don't decorate my space with any of these, the way a friend's life is filled with frogs. I don't identify with them (I'm not a furry, not even a little bit). It's more a matter of given the symbolism and behaviors I know of these, which one(s) metaphorically represent myself as I see myself? As I am seen? As I am? In turn, what do I want and perhaps need to learn from these?

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[info]nellorat
2007-07-08 03:46 pm UTC (link)
Fascinating! From what you say, I think you probably should encourage your rodent nature, as well as raccoon and skunk, especially if you want to go for more economic/wordly success--that kind of busy activity seems left out with the other two. My 2cents, anyway.

I guess I see "totems" as a combination of what I am, how others see me, and what I would like to be, even solicit help in being. Not supernatural help so much as teaching: oh, rat, teach me to be intelligent and busy; oh, sister cow, teach me to be patient, contemplative, and nurturing. That kind of thing. The PussyCat was identified for me by [info]supergee, partly based on a poem of mine.

For me, there is some connection with the real animal, going both ways: I have to have certain feelings about the animal to begin with, and then the identification increases that. For instance, I realized that while you are 100% right about the raccoon as a trickster monkey, I'd always pick some other animal for that, because my relationship with actual raccoons is too adversarial or sad (we have to protect our property from them, a fair percentage turns up rabid, and I see them dead on the highway).

By the way, as I mentioned in LJ as one of eight odd facts about myself, I love the smell of skunk at almost any strength. When our cat was directly sprayed and I held ler on my lap on the way to the vet, now that was too strong. Otherwise, I like it.

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[info]metasilk
2007-07-09 02:17 am UTC (link)
I think you're partly right: There are aspect of the rodents that are very helpful -- a certain sort of consistent persistence, and stocking-up industriousness I would very much like to be more comfortable and habitual with. I certainly have the scattery chattery aspects down, though *chuckle*

I'm not quite sure what you took as my "other two". I was thinking beaver and toad (not dragon or cougar, one was more signatory than self and the other clearly to me a wanna-be rather than a truth). Beaver would be another good rodent to learn from... we just saw a family of them on the Fourth of July. And of those, I think of beavers as more family-like, although I can't think why they would be more so than raccoons.

I think I see totems very much as you do -- I suppose that's not very clear from what I wrote above.

I think the sense of connection I have has almost no identification, in that identification to me includes some level of anthropomorphizing. The connection is less to individuals and more to the concept. I felt -- this is especially true of the mountain lion -- that having feelings for them might almost blind me to what me be true. So in all the time of looking, listening, being, using cards and quizzes and sitting stone, I try to let those affections exist without influence.

On the other hand, I have had very few adversarial interactions with animals, not even with the yellow jackets nesting the bird house I need to move. I suppose I was eager to be influenced by the Native American myths/folktales/wisdom tales I heard and read, in which animals are often both their own individual self and a representation of something worth learning. Perhaps that eagerness allowed an expansion of the sense of animals I got from growing up with [LOTS of] dogs and cats: they are their own selves, busy in their own lives. Different lives. Worthy lives. And yeah, ants in my kitchen drive me crazy, but it's more a matter of trying to figure ways to mark my territory than of having a negative feeling. If that makes sense.

At any rate, one consequence is I talk to all of them, generally much more slowly than I do with any human (heh). It doesn't tame the chipmunks and chickadees, but does seem to help me with the yellowjackets. And on those terms, I feel connected to (responsible to, also) all of them -- I mean all animals -- yeah, worms too... But again without identification. And not as connected to those I don't think are/perceive to be listening (say, fish).

It's very cool you like of the smell of skunk.

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[info]nellorat
2007-07-09 08:44 pm UTC (link)
By "the two," I meant the skunk and raccoon.

I think I both do tend to anthropomorphize animals and tend to see in myself what I think is genuinely there in the animal, approaching identification from both sides.

Although I might in some ways be a better person if I didn't, I do have a strong sense of MY TERRITORY, and a sense of animals that share it vs. those that invade it. All birds, so far all rodents, and many insects are in the former category; things that destroy my property (carpenter ants, which I have a special loathing for), those that I perceive as dangerous to me (wasps but not bees), and those that seem to cause me work without seeming grateful for the result (raccoons) are in the latter category. Also, raccoons used to eat our cat's food and terrorize her, when she was a mainly outside cat with digs in the garage, and I guess I got indignant and adversarial on her behalf.

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[info]metasilk
2007-07-10 03:51 am UTC (link)
"I meant the skunk and raccoon."
Oh! Of course. I think I must be too sleepy when I'm replying to these posts.

I like the idea of approaching identification from both sides.

I would get indignant/protective on my cat's behalf, too. It's a different thing than a negative interaction with me, after all.

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[info]meggins
2007-07-07 03:23 am UTC (link)
My totems are horse, cat, and dolphin, but it's more a case of animals I'm drawn to rather than symbolic representations of myself. That said, though, I suppose horses represent my yearning for freedom (running) and that I resemble them when I pull a trick that I think is very clever (but it's not, really). Cats equal independence and self-reliance but an ability to comfort as well. Dolphins are freedom again, in a very different environment, playfulness, and a bit of altruism.

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[info]nellorat
2007-07-08 03:53 pm UTC (link)
I like the paradox you point out about cats. That is really true.

And paradoxically, horses are a good symbol of freedom, but also of productivity and hard work; and I like how that is balanced by the dolphin's playfulness.

Why do you say, "when I pull a trick that I think is very clever (but it's not, really)." Are horses like that, really? Classically, that is a Monkey trait, or that of any trickster, including the Indian Coyote. I actually identify it more with cats, who are experts at trying something graceful, failing miserably, and then looking like "I meant to do that." But I also identify it with the armadillo--possibly unfair, just because they look so silly.

I also like the idea of having a totem with altruism as an iconic characteristic. I'll have to think about that.

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